“A world renowned organist was performing a recital at a concert hall.  During the intermission, he took a break behind the organ and came upon the old man who pumped air for the pipes.
“‘Some concert we’re giving them,’ remarked the old man, wiping his  brow with a handkerchief.
“‘WE??’ questioned the organist indignantly.  ‘The last time I checked, I was the only one giving this concert.’
“The organist returned to the stage and began to play his next piece.  But when his fingers struck the keys, no sound came through the pipes.  The musician excused himself from the stage and rushed behind the organ to find the old man just sitting there!
“‘It seems I was mistaken, my friend,’ said the musician nervously.  ‘WE are most certainly giving this concert.’”  

At tonight’s school board meeting I read the school motto.  It stated clearly that the mission of this school district is to give every student the opportunity to learn so that they could become productive citizens in society.  I think that means we’ll educate some to ‘pump the bellows’.  What do you think?  

Have a wonderful weekend, and I’ll be back with you next Friday, and if you find time to drop me a note, I’d like that! 

Each of you can remember at least one teacher in your life who really had an impact on you – might have changed the pathway of your life completely.  And, in many of these cases, that teacher worked in a school system and was probably certified by some governmental agency.  And, having accepted that, is it possible that we have amongst us some people who are natural born teachers, who will never do the work necessary to be certified, who will teach many and then turn and go on their way looking for the next person who wants to learn?  We know today that kids often learn a good deal from their phones, their computers, their iBooks and iPads and that some are lucky enough to run across some person who ‘makes all the difference by opening doors we might never have chosen to enter’.

Today, I’d like to introduce you to a student I taught years and years ago to illustrate the importance of giving the students we teach an increasingly large voice in deciding what they want from our education system. 

Meet Jerome Smith:  A relatively big guy, about 23 or 24 years old, a smile that would melt glaciers, a full head of hair in what we called in the ’70’s an afro, and the most pleasant way of presenting himself that anyone could imagine.  He said, “Hello!” to me as he entered the room joining about 65 other students.  He took a seat and I noticed that he immediately took up a conversation with the young gal he’d chosen to sit beside.  One of my first activities was to hear the students say their own name to me and he said, “I’m Jerome!”  No last name, but that’s OK – I just noticed that while every other student gave me at least two names, this guy gave me one!  

I handed out my syllabus – a two page document which I thought would cover the topic at hand in this class – an overview of the things children learn outside the formal classroom.  Western Michigan’s University had titled the class, “Human Development and Learning” – it was one of a two-part sequence designed especially for students going into teaching.  After covering the basic requirements in the syllabus including attendance expectations, I informed that class that if a student would do everything listed on that handout, he/she would receive a ‘C’ in the class – that grade would indicate that the student had met the basic requirements.  Of course, you know that some student would ask, “And, what do we need to do to get a ‘B’?”  I had that one covered too:  “Read at least one book off this reading list.”  The students, having been conditioned by years of being evaluated, judged, assessed, asked how do we report on the book and I told them that they only had to tell me – preferably face-to-face – that they had read it. 

And, then the next question:  “And, how do we get an ‘A’ in this class?”  That seemed to be very important to these young people – I wondered at that time (and several times since) if the grade would eventually be worth more than the learning!!  My answer:  “You’ll have to do something else – something which interests you and I’d like to have you share with me what you’ve chosen to do.”  

Well, you can imagine that the anxiety level of those students accustomed to be spoon-fed assignments left that day with several unanswered questions on their minds.  Jerome didn’t leave, he came directly to me at the end of the class – dinner time, as the class met from 4:00-6:00.  “I’d like to tell you now about my ‘something else’,” Jerome started.  And, even before I could respond to that, he continued:  “I’ll show up at your place at 4:00 every Tuesday during this tri-mester and I’ll teach all four of your kids – you did say you had four, didn’t you? – how to play stringed instruments, you know, like guitars, and ukeleles, and violins, you know, just regular stringed instruments.”  His eyes literally danced in his head as he added, “Of course, I’ll expect dinner at the end of the lessons.”   What could I say to this young fella?   ‘Go for it, Jerome!’ 

I learned in the next week or so that Jerome had very little (like no’) interest in attending college, this was his dad’s idea and dad would pay for one year. Jerome had but one desire, he wanted to go to Nashville to play back-up for some country western band.  And, I wasn’t at all sure whether or not he’d show up at our small upstairs apartment on Gull Road.  

Well, Jerome came every time and on time – didn’t miss even one session.  He brought a variety of instruments (we had none) and he taught the kids to play the ukelele, the guitar, the mandolin, the banjo, and a bit on the violin.  The kids couldn’t wait for Jerome to come, and later argued about who would get to sit by him at dinner.  He was full of music stories, he seemed to know every song we mentioned, he loved the kids and they loved him.  Pam presented a bit of a problem – she’s left handed.  No problem for that ‘natural teacher’ – he strung one of his old guitars with the strings in the opposite order, and that way he could sit in front of her and model how she could play her guitar.  They sang songs, they played the instruments, they even wrote a song with Jerome’s help.  

I’ve asked my boys to tell me what they remember now about Jerome and his lessons.  You might be interested in what they told me.  Paul, who after high school traveled and sang with ‘Up With People’ and who can play the guitar better than anyone else I know, remembered this:  “The two things I do remember are:  1) I loved learning to play the guitar and never felt pressured to make the chord changes smoothly or continue strumming during the changes or anything like that.  It was all positive; all accepting.  2) During the writing of the song we all did together (School, It Ain’t So Cool), he asked us for input.  As I remember, he managed to get every small suggestion into the song.  He welcomed input from the four of us and our friends (I think Pam’s friend, Robin, was responsible for the line, “I don’t like math ‘cause it really is too hard”)  All four of the songs we learned together (Bobby McGee, Clayton Delaney, Yankee Lady, and School) remain a part of my repertoire.”

Paul still plays the guitar both professionally and for those he loves.  He’s performed with the cast of the ‘Country Dinner Playhouse’ in Denver, he’s led the music for his church, and I’ve watched him walk into an assisted living facility and begin to play and sing in the cafeteria. In a short time a crowd gathers around to join in the singing of many favorites.  He also plays at a family gathering just a bit north and west of where he lives in the Denver area – they call the gathering ‘Campfire’ – some of our close friends have heard his work. 

And, while Chris doesn’t play professionally, he will on occasion join with Paul to add his guitar sounds and his warm voice to songs when the family gathers together.  Chris sent along these memories of Jerome:  “I remember his patience, and his talent .. He taught us the ‘easy’ chords that our little fingers could reach on the guitar, and when we’d struggle with the harder ones (‘F’, and ‘Dm’) he was very encouraging…  I remember what Paul says about writing the song too . . he really made it easy for us.”

As with every good thing, this tri-mester ended, the lessons were finished, and I remember the day I called Jerome into my office.  We were alone when I asked him if he knew what grade he would be getting in my class, and with a surprising enthusiasm and his straightforward honesty, Jerome said, “Yep!  I’m getting an ‘F’.”  I can’t remember anything in this world harder than bringing this message to a young guy I had come to love as my children loved him.  “Why would he receive a failing grade?”, you ask! Because he didn’t do anything else in class – didn’t read any of the assigned books, didn’t hand in any of the assignments.  He did, however, attend every class, he contributed many insights, he won the respect and love of his classmates and my four children and he probably went happily to Nashville to fulfill his dream.  

It’s been my pleasure and honor to work with many – MANY – wonderful and effective teachers, but I’ll probably always remember Jerome as ‘His Classroom Would Have Been Exemplary’.  He knew how to teach!  He knew where he was going!  I’m glad his life touched mine and the lives of many of my students at Western and four people I love!

    Help me remember that the jerk who cut me off in traffic last night is a single parent who worked nine hours that day and was rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry, and spend a few precious moments with his/her children.
    Help me remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can’t make change correctly is a worried nineteen year old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting enough money for tuition next semester.
    Remind me that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day, is a slave to addictions ordinary people can only imagine in our worst nightmares.
    Help me to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slowly through the store aisles and blocking my shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year they go shopping together.
    Help me to remember that those in our country that do not speak ‘our language’ may be able to speak the language of love, if I would be patient and understand that they feel alone, out of place, and are looking for a new beginning from a place of poverty, persecution, and hopelessness to a place of security, freedom, and a promise for a future.
    Help me to reach out to those who are grieving today for some reason or another and to lend what help I can as they carry the burden of sadness.
    Remind me each day, that of all gifts I’ve been given, the greatest of which is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open my heart, not just to those who are close, but to all humanity.
    Teach me to be slow to judgment, quick to forgive, patient, empathetic and to love – TO LOVE! 

Zig Ziglar On Saying Yes To Children

Practice Dr. Kuzma’s suggestions, and you will have taken a giant step toward raising a positive, courteous, responsible child.

• Exploration: Children learn by touching, smelling, hearing, and tasting. Biting is another way to explore the world.
• Cause and effect: Children at this age are exploring what happens when they do something; that curiosity includes biting. They may not realize that biting can hurt others.
• Attention: Children may bite to get attention. Biting is quick way to become the center of attention, even if it is negative attention.
• Imitation: Children may see other children biting and decide to try it themselves.
• Independence: Children at this age are trying hard to be independent. Biting can be a quick way to get a toy you want, or example, or to make another child leave.
• Frustration: Growing up can be stressful, especially for young children who don’t have control of their bodies yet and have not yet learned to find the words to express their feelings. At times, children may resort to hitting, pushing, or biting when they don’t have the ability to talk about their frustration.
• Stress: A child’s world can be stressful. Biting can be a way to express feelings and relieve tension that results from stressful events such as a divorce, death of a pet, or starting a new preschool.
• Self-defense: Some children bite because other children have bitten or shown aggression toward them.

First:  Don’t ever bite the baby back!  You may reason this will teach the child  not to bite, and in fact, it probably does just the opposite – you teach the child that it’s OK to bite someone as you’ve just demonstrated.  Don’t ever bite the baby back!

Secondly: Respond naturally, emphatically and loudly:  “Ouch, That Really Hurt!”  And, then resist the temptation to lecture (more attention).  Instead, after responding, walk away from the baby for a short time.

Thirdly:  A recommendation from one of the doctors:  When you anticipate the baby is going to bite, lift the baby’s arm into a position where the child bites him/her self.

Fourthly:  If biting persists beyond about age three, seek a professional to help correct this behavior.

Finally, this should not be ignored after one or two times of a child’s biting.  Quick responses are valuable here!  Good luck!

So, I’m borrowing some thoughts that I think are worthwhile from Fred Smith, Jr. who has a column every now and again giving people like me sound advice.  His suggestion for an adult response is “So, what are you going to do about it?”  (Note the word ‘you’!  Not what should “I” do, but what are ‘YOU’ going to do?) Fred tells us that the cure for boredom is our responsibility, not a job for others.

So, what can we do when our children try to dump this responsibility on us?  1)  Make it very clear that you are NOT going to do anything to cure their boredom – that’s their responsibility!  2) When the child moves toward some activity that will fill this ‘boredom space’, offer to work with them, to share this new experience.  And, as soon as you believe your child is ‘hooked’, withdraw – go about your own business!  3) Expose the child to something new and let that child make a decision about whether this is something he/she would like to do.  and once again, from Fred: 4) Remember: the more bored the child is, the less energy that child has for getting started on some worthwhile activity.  The less bored he/she is, the more energy they will have to begin a new activity!

The vacations are coming!  The kids will miss school and a close association with many friends and some adults who really care for and direct them (They are called ‘teachers’), and they may come to you with this:  “I’m so bored!”  Be prepared for that!  Teach them as soon as you know they’ll ‘get it’ that they are responsible for getting out of that state and into something they will enjoy and something which will help them to grow into self-directed adults!!

Good luck!!

‘Dear Heloise:  Gather your children around you and teach them how to enjoy work.  My three children and I can clean the house four times as fast as I can by myself, and they are all elementary school age.

‘I see no better way of saving both time and energy and at the same time, helping children to learn how to happily accept responsibility than to teach them when they are young.

‘The world will be a much happier place for them as adults.  And, one added plus:  I know they will save time and energy as parents themselves by teaching their children to do the same.  What better legacy could I give them to pass on? –Janice’

Each of you can do that!!

Let me start by asking you a question:  “Why would he want to run away from here?”  1) He receives two nutritious and, I believe, tasty meals every day!  Occasionally we add something like peanut butter to make the meal a special treat for him!  2) He receives an unlimited number of ‘atta-boys’ every day not only from me, but from Denise and many of our guests!  3) We speak to him in a normal tone and with low volume – as in the case with most dogs, Ollie is not ‘hard-of-hearing’ so speaking loudly makes no difference at all! 4) Since all of the people in Ollie’s world know that ‘hands are for lovin’, not hitting’, he is often petted and scratched in loving ways by many!  5) He has responsibility to do his job when called upon to perform!  6) We are teaching him to know many words spoken in English to him.  7) Where else could he find these things to make his life complete?  He knows he’s well-off here!

So, let’s see how this applies to our raising our children.  1) Mealtime can be a time of tremendous joy and sharing, and as adults we have a major part in creating those joyous times.  This can be a relaxing time of sharing, of informing, of listening to our kids while they take in nutritious and tasty food.  We never work toward ‘rushing’ Ollie to finish his food – if he doesn’t eat it now, it can be consumed later on!  We also are careful to avoid over-feeding.  2) Encouragement and recognition of positive behaviors do more to shape or change a child’s behavior than punishment.  Punishment, for the most part, does NOT do what we hope it will do.  Rather than changing a child with punishment, we will more than likely drive the child away from us and will ignite in the child some resentment toward the punisher.  How many ‘atta-boy’ or ‘atta-girl’ comments do your children receive each day?  As many as our Ollie receives!  It’s just a bit over one hour into today, and I know Ollie has heard ‘atta-boy’ more than twenty times.  3) At least once every day Ollie will come toward me wanting some stroking or scratching or ‘loving’ and he’ll put his chin on my lap.  After I’ve met his request for some loving, I say in a quiet tone, “Get down now!” and this dog gets down.  Have you ever heard a dog owner shout at the dog?  Do you suppose that volume is not the determining factor in having kids listen to us and obey us?  Hopefully, your children are not ‘hard-of-hearing’ and you can speak to them in normal, even quiet, tones and they will respond positively.  4) Since Ollie was a ‘rescue’ dog, we don’t know what kind of treatment he received in the first seven to ten months of his life!  I’m suspicious based on some of his early responses to us that he has been mis-treated, but since he’s made his home here, he has learned that our hands are for lovin’, not for hitting.  The only time Ollie even perceives a threat of hitting comes during one of our daily ‘play-times’.  I pick up a long, slender stick and walk toward him threatening to swing it at him.  With his tail wagging  back and forth, he barks at me and runs from left to right, sometimes around a building, often running close enough to me that I could strike him, but he knows that I will NEVER strike him with that stick!  If I act like I’m tired of the game, he’ll ‘flirt’ with me by coming up in front of me and howling as if to say, “This was fun!!”  5) We really  heap on all kinds of loving when he barks at any unfamiliar person or vehicle entering our property – that’s his job to warn us of potential danger.  6) I really don’t know how large Ollie’s vocabulary is, but I do know that it’s increasing.  One of the first words he learned was ‘No’!  That means that he is to stop that behavior now!  After that we taught his the meaning of ‘Stay’!  That means he’s not going along this time, but we will be back.  And, after he knew those words, we began to expand his vocabulary.  I have evidence that he understands, “Let’s get the paper!”, “Let’s go for walk!”, “Let’s go in!”, “Penny”, “Carli”, and “Where’s Denise?” His vocabulary will never come close to the size of your child’s vocabulary, but I’m surprised every day at his response to another statement one of us makes.  Do you work to encourage your child to expand his/her vocabulary every day?  When I taught all those many years ago, I used a little technique of expanding my students’ vocabularies – I called it “Kern’s Word Wealth”, and I’ll wager that there are still some kids who remember the day they learned the meaning of ‘tenacious’.  7) There is no place on earth where Ollie will receive more love, more encouragement, more indication that he’s important and more security than he receives right here!  When we brought him into our home, we purchased a cage and placed a comfortable mattress inside it!  (I had previously been opposed to ‘caging’ an animal as I thought maybe the animal would see it as punishment!)  That cage almost immediately became Ollie’s security place!  During a thunderstorm shortly after Ollie moved in, he retreated to the back of his cage.  When our Stitch, the only cat we’ve had, came to announce her place in this home, Ollie went into his cage.  At bedtime he’d go into the cage without any coaxing and after five days, we didn’t even close the front door of that home of his.

Why in the world would any dog want to run away from all of this?  Why in the world would our children want to leave a place where they learn hour after hour, day after day, year after year, that they are loved, they are important, and they are safe?  And, just in case you haven’t noticed, kids will give back what they receive from us!!

Now, we can all do some little thing which when we look upon it, we give ourselves a pat on the back – sometimes just a tiny pat, sometimes a flood of big pats!  When we carry around the knowledge that we’ve done one thing and done it well, our attitude toward ourself and our life will be more positive.

So, let’s give this valuable piece of information to our kids – let’s encourage them to do at least one thing EVERY DAY – something that they can look back on and enjoy that feeling of accomplishment.  And, our children will eventually know that success in the little things will lead to success in ever bigger things!  (As a matter of fact, when we do something, we sometimes don’t know if it’s a ‘BIG’ thing and important, or a ‘little’ thing and just routine.)

Now is the time to start this daily list of ‘Things To Do!’ for our children!  What can they do?  You are limited only by the size of your imagination!!

PS:  You could have a list for yourself as well!  Think about that!!

First:  We can teach some very essential manners by encouraging that children not misbehave and that they are polite to all who will contribute a treat to them!  ‘Please’, ‘Thank you’, or any other proper expressions of appreciation can be a big part of this transaction!

Secondly: Here is a perfect opportunity to teach your children about moderation!  Most kids will collect enough candy to last until Halloween 2011!  How much candy should your children consume?  Very little, if you’re concerned about the child’s teeth, or problems associated with obesity, or potential medical conditions which need attention to the consumption of sugar.  Children can learn self-control and self-regulation (this is known as ‘discipline’) as you chat with the child and provide an example of taking everything in moderation!

Third: Immediately after a child eats some of the candy received in this activity, teach your children to brush their teeth.  When my children had their braces put in place a very wise dentist addressed the topic of soft drinks (sugar water) with them!  He said in terms they could easily understand:  ‘If you are going to drink soda, drink it down – do not sip and prolong the exposure of your teeth to this potential destroyer of good teeth.  And, after you have finished the soda, brush your teeth.’  That’s really good advice, I think, and I would encourage everyone who has influence over a child to heed it!  Brush right after eating candy, and then no more candy until tomorrow!!

So, here’s your chance to strengthen your relationship with your child, to teach what we commonly call ‘self-discipline’, to teach proper receiving behavior, and to learn about moderation.  Those are winning strategies for all of our kids!! Enjoy this Hallowe’ed Evening – Halloween!